Why do kids call their parents "Mom" and "Dad"?

This question came from a reader submission (thanks Natalie!). Has a curious question stumped you lately? Feel free to submit your own question here:

Submit your question

📓 The short answer

Children typically call their parents "Mom" and "Dad" due to a natural linguistic development where the simple and instinctual sounds "ma" and "pa" are among the first they articulate. Once children are adults, they continue to use "Mom" and "Dad" due to its reinforcement of family roles.

📚 The long answer

If four-year-old Frankie wants their parents to watch them go down a slide, they will typically yell something like, "Mommm!! Daddd!! Watch!" It be unusual for them to call out to Susan and Tim by their given names – even as Frankie enters adulthood. Why is that?

First I'll cover why it is that kids use terms like "Mom" and "Dad" (with remarkably similar sounds across languages). Then I'll go into some possible reasons why these titles stick in favor of Mom and Dad's real names.

Where did "mom" and "dad" come from?

Linguists theorize that these words come from a positive feedback loop from when infants start to talk.

Regardless of where in the world they're born, babies naturally learn to make a few common sounds: ma, ba, and pa. During what's known as the "babbling stage," babies will start to form protowords by combining consonant and vowel sounds. Thus babies will often start to form words like "mama," "papa," and "baba."

Parents – engrained in the societal use of these titles (we'll cover more on this later) – excitedly repeat the words back to the baby to indicate who they are to the baby: "Yes, 'mama!' I am mama." Words like "mom" and "dad" are usually easier to pronounce for the young, new speaker than their parents' real names, so the titles stick.

Because of this universal feedback loop, the words for mom and dad are strikingly similar across languages without any etymological or historical connection. For example, the words for "mother" in Mandarin, Swahili, and Swedish are mama, mama, and mamma, respectively. Here's a list of how to say "mother" in 98 different languages, if you're curious.

But this explanation doesn't clarify why kids continue to use the terms once they learn how to form more complex sounds.

Why do kids use "Mom" and "Dad" instead of their parents' real names?

There isn't a ton of research on this topic, but it likely boils down to three reasons.

Reason #1: The titles define healthy roles in a family.

There's a reason you call your college professor "Professor So-and-so," and it's likely the same reason we call our parents "Mom" and "Dad": well-defined roles. Parents and children inherently have an unbalanced relationship from the start. Young children aren't responsible for taking care of their parents, and parents need to issue some level of discipline to guide their children. If we all called each other by our real names, it might blur the lines on the family roles.

Reason #2: Most everyone else uses "Mom" and "Dad."

There are a lot of invisible social rules that most of us tend to follow simply because it's expected and everyone else does it. For example, we greet people when we approach them, we stay quiet and seated at the theater, and we enter lines at the end rather than walk to the front (well, most of us). Because it's the norm to call your parents "Mom" and "Dad," we do it so as to not break this hidden rule.

Reason #3: It is a reminder of the special bond between parent and child.

Everyone can call you by your first name, but only a few people can call you "Mom" or "Dad." I'll share a story I came across to illustrate this point. San Francisco writer Ethel Rohan had previously accepted when her young daughters started taking to calling her Ethel. Only when her own mother became ill with Alzheimer's did Ethel realize she wanted to be called "Mom" again. Ethel said, “There’s only two people in this world who can call me Mom."

---

Thanks for reading this week's newsletter! If you have any thoughts, questions, or favorite GIFs, my inbox is always open. Just hit reply to send me a note! :)

All my best,

Caitlin

Click here to read five facts about Caitlin

Sources for this week's newsletter

📖 Book of the week

Book cover of "All Creatures Great and Small"

All Creatures Great and Small: The Warm and Joyful Memoirs of the World's Most Beloved Animal Doctor by James Herriot

This is quite simply a delightful book that is packed with interesting tales about creatures with tails.

In this memoir, James Herriot shares stories from his life as a country veterinarian in Yorkshire, England. Herriot gives readers a glimpse into the daily life of treating farm animals, filled with both the joys and the challenges that come with the job. If you've ever wondered about how cows give birth (AKA "calving") – or even if that thought has never once crossed your mind – this is the book for you.